"Auxilium": Close Your Eyes Part 5

"Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character."- 1 Corinthians 15:33

To this day I don't know why her. Not me. Maybe if she didn't turn up that day, it wouldn't have happened. Or maybe I was just delaying it. Anger is such a strong emotion. I mean, it wasn't her fault. It was mine. I'm sure she was tempted to do something similar to what I had been doing.

Oh, temptation, temptation, temptation.

Since the funeral, I would do it every day. For some reason, I would do it in front of a portrait of him. And every time I would wonder: what would have thought of me doing what I was doing? Would he understand? I mean it's hard to let him go.

Oh, it felt so good. So, so good. It really felt like heaven. But temptation bred more temptation. And it leaked into my grades. Well, in a good way really. It really helped me. But I couldn't get off it. It's just so easy to say stop. When mankind first arose, we followed instinct. The instinct to survive. My instinct to survive? To survive during that time?

A search for purity.

A search for high.

No lows.

It was like shiny jewelry to me. But the lows would always come back. And when I mean lows I mean crazy lows. I wouldn't remember it, but when I wake up, my pillow would be stained with tears.

So it was kind of great my mother showed up. When I first saw her since that day, she looked basically like me. Except she didn't use drugs. And when she found out about my situation.....

So we drove to help. I didn't really want to. All I felt was emptiness in that car. I was far from alive. Or should I say we were far from alive. I really didn't want to go. It was much easier being in a state of normality of insanity and depression. But she got help. She told me about it. When she heard about the fight, she came straight to my place. To this day I couldn't comprehend why I would have done such a thing. I just kept punching. And punching. And punching.

Was it that guy I hated? Or was I staring at a mirror, hating myself?

Then, in the car, I just started screaming. An animal, my mother brought up. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to go.

Then, I took the wheel and swerve the car to the right ..............

"Temptation, temptation, temptation."

"What?" she asks.

He shakes his head slightly. He looks around. He is on a bench, next to her. His hand holds a cup of coffee. In her hand, another bottle. She is about to have another sip. Then she stops.

"You should probably hold this for me." She hands him the bottle. He takes it.

"Shall we continue?" she asks. He nods his head. The two get up in unison.

Suddenly, she leans closer to him. Then, she extends her hand to the bottle. Of course, he moves it away from her. He cares too much about her.

"Just one more sip," she says.

She shoves him as he tries to push her away. What has happened to her?

Then, smash!

She kneels down on the floor, shoving others out of the way.

And starts to lick the ground.

A crowd gathers around. He tries to lift her up. She resists. Then, he embraces her. And starts singing.

When I'd wake up in the morning,

I would turn to look at you

Your eyes, shine so bright.

How can I ever leave you?

When the day comes to an end,

I'd lay back in bed, and I would

Turn to you and smile.

And say

I will always be there for you

Then, the thoughts come rushing back. Reality starts to sink in. She rests her head on my shoulder. She bursts into tears. She cries. She cries. She cries.

A long silence. The two then get up, and exchange looks.

What is hope I felt?

Possibly. Maybe it's time.

http://www.wfuturismo.com/a-depressao-espiritual-da-era-digital/